


lie down next to me (hold my hand tight)

by inkquell



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6404137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkquell/pseuds/inkquell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changkyun is cold. Jooheon is there to warm him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lie down next to me (hold my hand tight)

Changkyun steps out of the bathroom, towelling his wet hair.

The living room is pitch black except for the glow of the television. No one has bothered to turn a light on since the sun set outside. There are empty, disposable ramen cups on the floor. Changkyun slides one out of his way with his foot. He wonders where Kihyun is to clean all this up, only to find him sitting in front of the TV next to Hyunwoo. They’re playing that soccer game again, the one Kihyun is especially bad at. 

Changkyun watches them violently mash buttons on their controllers. Kihyun finally gets hold of the ball and Hyunwoo slide tackles his player. 

“Stop tripping me!” Kihyun shouts in frustration, shoving Hyunwoo in the shoulder.

Hyunwoo just laughs and continues to press his player down the field. He scores another goal before Kihyun even has any time to react. The animated crowd cheers on screen and Kihyun looks like he’s about to throw his controller across the room. 

The other members are in their respective rooms, tired out from practice, except for Jooheon who’s outstretched on the couch. His sweatpants hang low on his hips and his oversized hoodie drowns him. The longer Changkyun looks, the thinner his t-shirt begins to feel. Even though it’s barely spring and past midnight, the living room window is open a crack. The draft chills Changkyun’s still-damp skin.

“Do you wanna play?” Hyunwoo asks Changkyun without looking away from the TV. 

 “No thanks,” Changkyun says. He learned the hard way that he’s no good at sports-based video games. On a particularly dull day off at the dorm, Minhyuk played him for money. Changkyun lost 20000 won. 

“You sure you don't want to play?” 

“Mm-hmm.”

Changkyun rubs at his arms to try and create heat beneath his palms. He’s still staring at Jooheon and his spot on the couch. Jooheon’s eyes are closed, an arm comfortably tucked behind his head. 

Without a second thought, Changkyun abandons his towel on the floor and flops down next to Jooheon. He tucks his knees in towards his chest so they press against Jooheon’s thighs.He can feel the heat radiating off of him already. 

“What’s up?” Jooheon mumbles, shifting a little.His voice is coated with sleep, as if he just woke up.

The draft is even worse over here, but Changkyun needs an excuse to sit so close to Jooheon.

“Hyung,” Changkyun whines, pretending to shiver and wriggling a bit closer.Acting cute like this usually gets Jooheon’s attention, even if Changkyun feels ridiculous. “I’m cold.”

“You’re cold?” Jooheon rolls on his side and rests a hand on Changkyun’s hip, a little hesitant since Kihyun and Hyunwoo are only five feet away. He peaks behind Changkyun’s shoulder to measure how distracted they are. Pretty distracted, he decides, by the way their eyes are glued to the TV, and pulls him in closer.

They’re always like this, always careful about what they do and where. Amidst hectic schedules that allow zero alone time, they’re forced to be subtle. They're forced to take things slow. So far their relationship has been a test of what they can get away with in front of managers, stylists, makeup artists, even their own members.  If anyone knows, they have yet to mention it. Changkyun can’t tell if that’s the result of their discretion, or a sign they don’t need to be so careful in the first place. There are times when Hoseok teases Changkyun for clinging to Jooheon or following him everywhere, but he knows it’s harmless. 

It’s not as if what’s going on between them is something completely new and obvious. Before debut, they spent most of their nights at the company together, writing lyrics or just talking. Jooheon always made Changkyun feel listened to, even if he was cold towards him at first. That’s how it started.

Now that they’ve debuted, there are hardly any chances to really talk, to touch each other, to kiss. Even so, they try to find ways around it. It’s easy for Jooheon to keep an arm around Changkyun during almost every interview or kiss him in the bathroom before they go on stage.And it’s easy for Changkyun to fall asleep on Jooheon’s shoulder during long commutes, keep him company during late nights at the studio, or sneak into Jooheon’s bunk before everyone wakes up. But some nights they come home from practice and they’re too exhausted to even speak to each other.

At least there are moments like this. The TV is blaring in the background and Hyunwoo can easily catch them by looking over his shoulder, but they’ll take what they can get. It’s better than nothing. 

Changkyun sinks into Jooheon’s chest. After everything they've been through, Jooheon is something solid that Changkyun can hold onto for support. 

“You’re warm,” he hums against his neck. He wants to melt into him, be absorbed like an amoeba. 

“Why are you wet?” Jooheon says after a minute, frowning and twisting his finger around a damp strand of Changkyun’s hair.He must have been sleeping earlier and didn’t hear the water running.Changkyun would feel guilty for waking him up if he wasn't so damn warm. 

“I just got out of the shower,” Changkyun mumbles. “Why? Do I smell good?”

When Jooheon laughs, his dimples hollow his cheeks like moon craters. _Does that mean no?_

“Cute,” Jooheon says, and continues to play with Changkyun’s hair. He rakes his fingers through it in an attempt to untangle any knots.

“It’s getting too long,” Changkyun says as the hair falls back into his eyes. 

“I think it looks good.” Jooheon brushes it away from his face again and lets his hand linger a bit longer on Changkyun’s cheek. It feels like someone is squeezing his heart inside his chest. 

Jooheon takes the opportunity to push the tips of his fingers underneath Changkyun’s t-shirt.His thumb tickles the skin beneath his belly button. He playfully pinches at the little bit of belly Changkyun hasn't been able to diet off yet, not that he particularly wants to. Jooheon seems to like it anyways.

“Jesus, you feel like ice,” Jooheon says, then presses his palm flat across Changkyun’s stomach. His hands feel unbelievably warm. “Are you sure you have blood in your body?”

Changkyun leans into his touch. “I hope so.”

“Here.” Jooheon sits up and before Changkyun can stop him he’s pulling of his hoodie. 

“Now you’re gonna be cold.” 

Jooheon shrugs. “I think I’ll be okay. I’m not a vampire like you.”

The hoodie is even bigger on Changkyun than it was on Jooheon. Changkyun sinks inside it, then holds the fabric up to his nose. At first he’s disappointed that it doesn't particularly smell like Jooheon, but Changkyun quickly realizes it’s because they smell the same.They use the same soap, same hair products, and sometimes sleep in the same bed if they’re sneaky about it.It makes Changkyun’s stomach bubble as he thinks about how he smells like Jooheon and Jooheon smells like him.

“Cozy?” Jooheon asks, grinning. 

Changkyun waves his sweater paws out in front of him. “Yes.” 

Jooheon slips the hood over Changkyun’s head and pulls the draw strings until it’s snug against his skull. “There, even better.”

Jooheon's warm smile compels Changkyun to sneak a kiss onto his jaw, then another one against his Adam’s apple. He hears Jooheon's breath catch against his ear. It's risky, but feeling Jooheon's heart thump a little harder in his chest makes it worth the risk. Confidence comes easier to Changkyun when the room is dark like this, even if there is a fear of getting caught, at least Jooheon can't see the flush against his cheeks. 

With his hand still against his hip, Jooheon slowly parts Changkyun’s thighs with one of his legs and slides the other in-between. He tangles them together, drapes his arm over Changkyun’s side like a blanket. Only up this close can Changkyun see how tired Jooheon looks. The light from the TV dances across his face: blue, green, and white. He must not have shaved today because the faintest shadow of stubble lines his upper lip, and his eyes look so much softer now than they do when they're caked with eye makeup, or sharp with focus when he's performing onstage.  

Changkyun reaches out and traces the shell of Jooheon’s ear. Sometimes Changkyun wishes they could get away from all this for a while. It’s difficult to juggle idol life and personal life all at once. Sometimes it really shows, whether it’s the dark circles under Jooheon’s eyes or bruises from dance practice or the strain Changkyun feels in his injured leg. Things are hard, it's how this works, but Changkyun is happy anyways.He’s happy to be with Jooheon like this, curled up against him on the couch, tired and drained and trying not to be too obvious about it, rather than not at all.

They stay like that for a while, just enjoying each other's company. Changkyun tries not to think too much about their jam-packed schedule tomorrow.If it wasn't for the sound effects blaring from the TV speakers, Changkyun might drift off.Instead, he watches the steady rise and fall of Jooheon’s chest. Jooheon’s eyelids flicker as he tries to keep them open, albeit unsuccessfully.Before Jooheon can completely fall asleep he reaches out for Changkyun’s hand and curls his fingers around the sleeve of his hoodie. 

The sound of bare feet padding against the floor echoes down the hallway. Changkyun reluctantly untangles their legs. He inches far enough away from Jooheon so lying beside him only looks like casual skinship. 

“What!? A red card?” It’s Kihyun again, yelling at the game as if it can hear him. 

Changkyun peaks over his shoulder just as Hyungwon steps in front of the TV, his long arms and legs spread open like a starfish to block the screen.His glasses sit low on his nose and his hair is mussed up at the back. 

“Turn the TV off. Go to bed.”

Kihyun looks offended. “I just—”

Immediately, Hyungwon interrupts him. “I’m trying to sleep.We have to be up early tomorrow.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t put up a fight, even though he’s the hyung, and lumbers off to his bunk.Kihyun, however, huffs as he shuts the game console off. But soon he goes off to bed too. 

Hyungwon points to Changkyun and Jooheon on the couch.“You two too,” he says, then disappears back into the closest bedroom.The house falls quiet. 

Now that they’re finally alone, Changkyun has no idea what to do.They’re too used to sneaking around. It’s become second nature, and Changkyun admits they’ve gotten pretty good at it. What are they going to do when the members finally find out?

Jooheon yawns and rubs at his eyes, willing himself enough energy to sit up. 

“I have to finish drying my hair,” Changkyun says. He leans over to peck Jooheon on the lips, but Jooheon grabs the front of his hoodie instead and kisses him properly. He almost pulls him into his lap. 

"Can I have my sweater back?" Jooheon asks when he pulls away. 

Changkyun thinks about it for a second, visibly out of breath. “Nope.”

Jooheon laughs and presses their foreheads together. ”You’re cute, so I’ll let you keep it," he says. He smoothes down the fabric he rumpled. “Goodnight, Changkyun.”

“Goodnight.” 

Changkyun disappears into the bathroom, a goofy smile on his face.

—

With his hair finally dry, Changkyun sinks into his own bed, feeling much colder from the lack of Jooheon’s body heat, or the lack of Jooheon in general.He stares up at the ceiling, listening to Minhyuk snoring softly in the bunk below him and the rustling of Jooheon’s sheets. 

“Hyung?” Changkyun asks, testing whether or not he's awake. 

“Hm?” Jooheon hums sleepily. "Yeah?" 

“I love you.” 

They’ve said it to each other before, but it’s a rare occurrence and never quite as serious sounding as just now.The room feels extra quiet for a moment. 

“I love you too, Changkyun,” Jooheon says a beat later. 

Even without Jooheon acting as his personal blanket, Changkyun falls asleep feeling warmer than he has all night. 

**Author's Note:**

> titled after lyrics from [hold me tight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9waWrWZqVs) by loco (feat. crush)
> 
> i wrote this one a while ago and i'm not sure how well it turned out. feel free to tell me what you think! comments and kudos are appreciated


End file.
